After the Blast
by catatoniccat
Summary: The Kyber crystal saves Jyn's life following the Death Star blast on Scarif. But what about Cassian? (Jyn x Cassian).
1. Chapter 1

_AN: If you're like me and feel personally victimized by the ending of Rogue One, then this story is for you! I know many similar fanfics have been written already, but this is my take on how Rogue One should have ended. In my opinion, Jyn's Kyber crystal was referenced throughout the movie too many times for it to have not played a role in saving her life. I choose to believe she lived, and this is how the story would have concluded! I anticipate that this story will be short, maybe 3 or 4 chapters. Also, keep in mind that I am a biologist, not a writer. Short and simple is my style. Enjoy!_

It was in the elevator, on the way down from the tower on Scarif, that Jyn realized they were not going to make it out alive. Looking at Cassian now, it was clear that he had come to the same conclusion a while ago. The low rumble of the Death Star's blast could be felt as it sent vibrations through the rebels' bones, jarring them to the very core. The intense light that intermittently illuminated the elevator was not the light of a sun, but rather the light of an impending death, Jyn now realized. The thought should have terrified her, but for some reason, it did not. Her mind was calm. Her thoughts were no longer racing. They had been successful in their mission—the Death Star plans were in the hands of the Rebellion.

But her calmness quickly turned to concern as she looked at Cassian. His expression was soft and peaceful as he gazed back at her; there was no sign of pain in his eyes. This didn't make sense to Jyn, for she knew he was mortally wounded. He had been shot, and although the wound was cauterized, he was losing blood fast. Yet Cassian didn't seem concerned as he leaned against the wall of the elevator and looked back at her. His face was mere inches from hers, and as the light illuminated his features, she could see that he was at peace. He gazed at her now with a certain longing—a desire that she did not recognize.

The elevator completed its descent and they stepped onto the blinding sands of Scarif. Jyn leaned in and supported Cassian, and she felt his weight sink into her. Her own body ached in protest, but she would not leave him behind. Cassian had never left her, as she so often expected him to do. Now, the least she could do was be there for him in their final moments.

The notion of escape was a fleeting hope that came and went as the pair slowly made their way across the sand. Jyn looked around at the lifeless bodies strewn before them—rebels and Stormtroopers alike. Smoldering piles of twisted steel littered the vast expanse of beach, and the only movement came from the hovering smoke as it floated across the sand. There wasn't a survivor in sight. Jyn smiled to herself. No, they weren't meant to escape. This was the end of the line for her and Cassian. They had done their part.

They looked ahead towards the distant, looming wall of dust and light. If she hadn't known any better, Jyn thought they could be watching a beautiful sunset cloaked behind a shield of haze. But the vibrations beneath their feet and the low rumble on the horizon gave away the true nature of the approaching light. She could already feel the intense heat from the blast, even though the thick wall of dust was still miles away. Jyn looked up at Cassian. He was smiling, the distant orange light reflecting in his eyes.

At the water's edge, they collapsed onto the sand. Cassian winced, but his expression quickly became calm again, and he smiled as he looked over at Jyn. "Your father would be proud of you, Jyn," he said, searching her eyes and hoping that his words could somehow bring her comfort.

She smiled back at him, trying to fight off a wave of emotion. The distant rumbling grew louder, and the heat intensified. The wind picked up speed as the wall of dust and fire grew ever closer. Jyn looked across the water at the vanishing horizon, and smiled at the awe-inspiring beauty. If she had to die, she couldn't think of a better way to go. Quickly, painlessly. Cassian at her side. She still couldn't believe that this captain of the Rebellion had not abandoned her and this mission a long time ago. She hadn't given him any reason to stay, nor had she provided him any concrete proof of her father's message—that the Death Star plans concealed a hidden weakness in the Imperial weapon. Yet Cassian had put his faith in her cause. He had trusted her completely, right up until the end.

Jyn reached over and found his hand, gripping it firmly as if to say thank you. He squeezed her hand weakly in response. His strength was nearly gone as the blood continued to spill from the wound in his abdomen, yet he still had enough left in him to pull Jyn into a tight embrace. She held him as close as she could, breathing in the scent of smoke and leather. Unable to hold back her emotions any more, she allowed a silent tear to fall. The rumbling was deafening now, and Jyn could hear the spray of water as the blinding light and violent wind approached them. Cassian gripped her tighter.

In the blink of an eye, they were engulfed behind a wall of white hot light.

Jyn could feel the dust and sand stinging her skin, cutting through her like blades as the violent wind tore through them. She squeezed her eyes shut, bracing herself against the pain. The heat was even worse—it felt as if the skin was melting from her bones. With all her might, she tried to hold onto Cassian, but could feel him slipping away. The pain was unbearable, and she was sure that she would black out soon. Her body began to go numb, except for the pain. She could no longer tell whether she was holding onto Cassian or not. All she knew in that moment was the pain, the violent wind, and the unbearable heat. The roar of the blast was so deafening, she felt it rather than heard it. To Jyn, it seemed like an eternity passed as she sat there paralyzed, bearing the tremendous force of the Death Star's blast.

Then abruptly, the wind stopped. The heat dissipated, although a thick haze still hung in the air. Slowly, Jyn opened one eye. She saw nothing but the thick, gray dust. Her ears were ringing and she couldn't hear a thing but the deafening, high-pitched drone. Her head felt as if it might split open. She tried to move, but could not. There was no feeling in her arms or legs, no feeling in her body whatsoever but the intense, throbbing pain in her head. There was no way to tell where she was, whether she was lying on the ground or still holding onto Cassian. Every proprioceptive sense was gone.

She thought it would be a quick death. The blast should have atomized her—this was not what she had imagined. Jyn opened her other eye, squinting against the thick dust. The tinnitus in her ears grew louder, intensifying the splitting pain in her temple. She tried in vain to see through the fog and haze, but it was too thick. It became clear, however, that she was no longer holding onto Cassian. The rebel captain was nowhere to be seen.

Jyn tried to call out for him, but as soon as she opened her mouth, a violent cough shook her. She continued coughing as dust and sand escaped her lungs. The fit seemed to jerk her body out of its numbness and she turned over on her stomach, finally realizing that she had been lying in the sand the whole time. She continued to cough, then struggled for air. But she could only breathe in the thick dust, which made the coughing worse.

She didn't know how long she lay there, struggling for half a breath. "Cassian," she managed to choke out at one point. But her voice was weak and trembling. There was no response, and no sign of the captain. She lay there in the sand, wheezing, trying to see through the dust and smoke. "Cassian." She could feel sand scratching inside her throat. There was no way to tell how long she laid there. At one point she tried to stand up, but a stabbing pain shot through her body and she collapsed back into the sand. She lay there for several moments, still trying to catch her breath.

Then, from off in the distance, Jyn heard voices. At least she thought she did. Her ears were still ringing and her hearing was muffled, but there was no mistaking the sound of frantic shouting as it grew louder, closer.

"Help," Jyn managed weakly. She couldn't imagine anyone was still alive out there on Scarif, but she knew what she had heard. Planting her elbows into the sand, she managed to prop herself up to look in the direction of the voices. "Help us," she called again.

Figures began to emerge from the haze. They were running. Someone approached her, knelt at her side. She couldn't really see the man's features, but she heard his voice. "Jyn Erso?" the man asked, "Can you walk?"

Someone else grabbed her by the forearm and tried to pull her up. The man who had knelt at her side took her other arm. They got her to a standing position, but as she felt her weight sink into her hips, her legs buckled. The two rescuers prevented her from falling all the way back to the sand, but it was obvious that Jyn would not be able to walk out of here.

"We need a stretcher!" One of the men called to someone whom Jyn could not see. They pulled her up to a standing position again and held her steady.

It was then that Jyn looked down and saw the shock of dark hair and the off-white, blood-stained tunic. He wasn't lying more than ten, maybe twenty feet from her. She saw the rebel captain there, motionless in the sand, his once tan skin now shockingly pale. A third man was knelt beside him, doing what exactly, Jyn could not tell. All she could tell through the haze was that the captain was not moving.

"Cassian!" she called, her voice stronger this time. She tried to make a move towards him, but suddenly she was whisked away, her body lifted onto a long, metal slab. "No!" Jyn nearly shouted, as she looked up at one of the men carrying the stretcher. "I can't leave him!"

She remembered putting up a brief fight as the rescuers carried her away. She had shouted at them, but couldn't remember her words. Her last memory was being carried onto a ship of some sort, hearing the roar of the thrusters, and then the world went black.


	2. Chapter 2

_AN: Hey everyone, thank you very much for the kind reviews so far! Bear with me on this chapter. I know it ends sadly, but have faith! Stick with the story, it's not over yet!_ _J_ _Also, I try to make my stories as canon as possible, but I don't know much about Mon Mothma. Hopefully her interaction with Jyn is true to her character, but if not, I apologize. Enjoy!_

"I'm so sorry, Jyn."

She would have recognized the heavy accent anywhere. Jyn looked over to see Cassian's familiar features, his deep brown eyes looking back into her own. She felt her body relax. It was so good to see him. Although her memories were still muddled, she couldn't forget how weak he had been as they sat on the beach together. She had felt it when he held her hand, and again when he had pulled her into an embrace. Jyn had felt secure in his arms, but couldn't forget how his body trembled with weakness, and how it must have taken every ounce of his remaining strength to hold onto her. So, looking at him now, she was glad to see the color in his face, rather than blood and ash on pale skin.

But he was looking at her now with an earnest sincerity.

"This is all my fault," the captain continued. He reached out and took her hand, searching her eyes. His voice was thick with guilt, and Jyn wanted so badly to reach out and comfort him. _It's not your fault,_ she wanted to say. But she could not muster the strength needed to form the words. The splitting headache was back, and it took all of her focus and energy to look at Cassian and comprehend what he was saying.

"I held you back, Jyn. If it wasn't for me, you could have escaped."

 _No,_ Jyn tried to say. Her head was throbbing. She tried to reach out to Cassian, but her arms felt like lead.

A sharp prick in her arm jolted Jyn out of her half-conscious state.

"Ow!" She exclaimed, her vision quickly coming into focus. She looked to her right to see a droid there, instead of Cassian. It was adjusting an IV needle in her arm.

"My apologies, Jyn Erso," the droid stated mechanically, as it pushed the needle further into her vein. She winced, but held her composure.

"Where is Cassian?" She asked. Her gaze followed the droid as it bustled around to her other side, fixing some leads and tubing that connected to her body somehow.

"I'm afraid I do not have any information regarding Captain Andor," the droid replied. It scanned her vitals and injected something into one of the tubes as Jyn watched impatiently. Then without another word, the droid exited the small room in which she lay.

Jyn briefly glanced at her surroundings, but there was no way to tell exactly where she was. Somewhere on the Alliance base probably, since she was alive and in a medical unit of some sort. If the Empire had gotten ahold of her, she certainly wouldn't be treated for her injuries. She let out a sigh and relaxed into the small cot. The droid must have given her an analgesic of some sort, as she could feel the throbbing pain in her head fade away.

Now that she was alone and out of danger, Jyn's thoughts quickly turned to her friends. She was alive, but what about Bodhi, K2, Chirrut, and Baze?

And Cassian?

Gradually, the events of the mission on Scarif began to come back to her. The Stormtroopers finding them in the data vault, hearing K2's final instructions pleading with them to climb the tower as he was being executed. The sinking feeling in her stomach as she watched Cassian get shot and plummet to the bottom of the vault. She had hated herself for leaving him there, but the fate of the entire galaxy may very well have hinged on her decision to continue climbing, to beam the Death Star plans up to the Rebel Alliance. And without Cassian, without any of the members of the Rogue One crew, she never could have done it. So why should she be the only one to live? It just wouldn't be fair. Surely somehow, somewhere, the rest of the crew had made it out as well.

Jyn's question of why she deserved to live quickly turned to how she had managed to survive in the first place. The Death Star's blast had wiped out everyone on Jedha. She remembered the sheer force of the explosion on Scarif, and being caught in the middle of it. There was no way she could have survived. And yet, here she was.

A soft knock on the door made Jyn look up. "Come in," she called weakly.

The door opened and a woman in white robes stepped in. She smiled at Jyn as she quietly closed the door behind her. "Ms. Erso," the woman spoke as she moved to the side of Jyn's bed. "It's good to see you awake."

Jyn forced a half smile and nodded. "Thank you," she replied.

"We should be thanking _you_ ," Mon Mothma continued. "The Alliance has secured the plans to the Death Star, all thanks to your courageous leadership."

"I didn't do it alone," Jyn replied.

Mothma sighed and her smile fell ever so slightly. "Yes, the entire Rogue One crew will be remembered as heroes of the Rebellion."

There was a pause. Jyn wanted to ask the senator about the fate of her friends, to confirm what she already knew deep down. But she couldn't bring herself to hear the truth right now. Part of her was still hoping that they had made it off Scarif somehow. She wanted to keep believing that a little while longer. So Jyn decided to ask another burning question on her mind.

"How did I get here?" she asked.

Mothma drew her lips into a thin line. "I was going to ask you the same question. A recovery team found you alive on Scarif following an attack from the Death Star. To be honest, we don't have a clue how you survived." There was a pause before she added, "of course, we're very glad that you did."

Even as the senator spoke, Jyn could feel the cool touch of the Kyber crystal beneath her tunic. Of course, she had been wearing it the whole time. She had never parted with it since her mother had given it to her all those years ago. She knew the crystals were powerful, but to save her from a blast that could wipe out entire planets? It didn't seem possible. And yet, Jyn made a mental note to hang on to that crystal even tighter now.

"I don't know either," Jyn replied quietly after a length of silence.

Mothma smiled, then placed a warm hand on Jyn's arm. "Let us know if you need anything. I'll let you get your rest." She turned to leave.

"Senator," Jyn spoke, before she could take a step towards the door.

Mon Mothma turned around slowly. "Yes?" There was a hint of sadness in her voice, as if she already knew what Jyn was going to ask.

"Where's Cassian?" Even as she said it, Jyn wanted to bite her tongue. She knew she was not emotionally prepared for the answer. Now that she was fully awake, she remembered all too clearly the sight of the captain lying motionless on the beach, his clothes covered in dust and blood. So much blood.

Mon Mothma stood next to Jyn's bed again, but she did not look at her right away. There was a painful length of silence before the senator finally looked up and spoke.

"Captain Andor was recovered from Scarif along with you." The senator paused, observing Jyn's blank expression. She waited a moment and then cleared her throat before continuing. "We are sustaining his vitals so that you may say goodbye."

Jyn only stared back at the senator, the meaning of the words not quite registering with her. Say goodbye?

Sensing that Jyn did not understand, Mon Mothma spoke again quietly, "I'm afraid Cassian did not make it."


	3. Chapter 3

_AN: As a correction to my note for the first chapter, this story will be a little longer than I first thought. It's looking like 5 or 6 chapters now. Anyway, thanks for sticking with it!_

Jyn was quick to regain her physical bearings, but her emotions were still charged in the days following her rescue. She was back on Yavin IV, and as soon as she was cleared to leave the medical unit, Jyn sought some peace and quiet away from the bustling energy of the Alliance base. Although she was still relatively unfamiliar with the whole area, she managed to find some peace and quiet in a small courtyard on the opposite end of the air field. There were some nearby dwellings where the pilots stayed, but they were uninhabited at this busy hour.

Jyn found a stone wall along the perimeter of the courtyard, hoisted herself up and sat in silence for a while. She listened to the far away commotion of the rebel base, and the occasional rumbling of ships as they landed and departed from the air field. For a length of time she just sat there, not really thinking about anything. There had been so much on her mind lately that for this moment, it felt better to just shut everything out.

After a while, the weight of the Kyber crystal around her neck came to Jyn's attention. She reached down into her shirt collar and pulled out the small gem, studying it carefully as she turned it between her fingers. The idea that such a small, unassuming little rock could save her life still seemed a far-fetched notion. Yet now, she had no doubt that that was exactly what the Kyber crystal had done. Some sort of unimaginable power was contained in this tiny gem, and she was alive now because of it. But Jyn had never really understood the Force. She'd never seen it in action, never witnessed any evidence of its existence. It wasn't that Jyn didn't believe in the Force—rather, she didn't believe the Force was something that would protect _her_ of all people.

Looking at the crystal now, it held a new meaning for Jyn. Whether it be the Force or some other unknown power, the Kyber crystal represented a newfound hope. Before she had treasured it simply for the sentimental value, and as a way for her to feel connected to her mother again. But now it was more than that—it was hope. Hope for protection, hope for the future, and hope for the Rebellion.

"Jyn?"

She hastily tucked the crystal back in her tunic as she looked up to see who had discovered her quiet getaway. When she recognized the man walking towards her, she could hardly believe her eyes.

"Bodhi?" She stood up and strode across the courtyard to meet him halfway. "You're—you're okay?" She didn't try to hide the smile that broke across her face.

The pilot was beaming. "It's so good to see you Jyn," he spoke excitedly. "They told me you didn't make it off Scarif, that you were killed in the Death Star attack along with the others. Then I heard they found you alive the next day. I couldn't believe it. You weren't even injured?"

Jyn shook her head. "Yeah I—I was just lucky I guess." She didn't know how else to explain it.

"You and me both," Bodhi replied. "Our ship was destroyed by an explosive. I managed to duck below deck before it went off, but had to find a new ship. By the time I did, the Death Star had already struck." The pilot's face fell and his eyes became distant as he recalled the memory. "I tried to go back for you and the others, but there wasn't time. I felt awful."

Seeing the pilot's suddenly pained expression, Jyn placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You did what you had to, Bodhi. I'm just glad you made it out of there."

Bodhi smiled slightly. "Yeah, you too." There was a length of silence as he watched Jyn, still not quite believing that she was unscathed. After all, she had been with Cassian the whole time, and he had not fared so well. Bodhi grew solemn again as he remembered the captain. "Have you gone to see him?" he asked quietly after a long moment.

Jyn didn't need to ask who Bodhi was referring to. Coming here to the courtyard had been an attempt to think about something else— _anything_ else besides the awful news that Mon Mothma had relayed to her. She thought foolishly that she could escape the reality of Cassian's fate, maybe pretend for a moment that the whole mission hadn't even happened in the first place. That maybe Cassian was just across the air field in the hangar, working on the ships or perhaps developing plans to gain intel from the Empire.

But Jyn had not managed to fool herself. Mon Mothma's words still weighed heavily at the back of her mind.

 _"_ _I'm afraid Cassian did not make it."_

Yet, it didn't seem completely real. She had not gone to see him, nor had she shed a tear for him. If she were to see him lying there, cold and pale, she knew it would all become real. She would know for certain that Captain Cassian Andor was dead, gone forever, and she could not take the weight of that reality right now.

Bodhi must have understood her silence. "I know how hard it will be, Jyn," he said. "But you should say goodbye. They want to give him a proper funeral."

His words were soft and comforting, but still Jyn felt a lump rise in her throat. She didn't want to think about it right now, but she also knew that Bodhi was right. It had been almost a week since she had arrived back on Yavin IV. Cassian had been on life support during that time, for no other reason than to allow Jyn to say goodbye. Mon Mothma had been understanding, telling her to take all the time she needed. But Jyn knew she needed to get it over with. Although she didn't want to see him lying there, she also didn't want him to be cremated without her ever saying goodbye to him properly. It had to be done. And now that she had Bodhi here with her, maybe it would be a little easier.

"Will you come with me?" She asked the pilot after a long moment of contemplation.

He nodded. They turned back to the rebel base, walking in silence as they made their way to the medical unit.


	4. Chapter 4

As she stood at Cassian's bedside, Jyn's fears quickly vanished. She had expected to see a bloody, pale corpse with the captain's features. She expected him to be lifeless and cold to the touch. But as she gazed down at him, he was none of this. There were countless tubes and wires connecting Cassian to a large generator of some sort. His chest rose and fell slowly, as a nearby monitor traced the lines of his respiration and heartbeat. At first, Jyn did not feel sad as she gazed at him. He looked _alive_ after all, as if he might only be sleeping. The droids had cleaned him up nicely—there wasn't a speck of blood or dust on his skin. They had put him in a clean shirt, so Jyn could not see the blaster wound. Her eyes moved up to his face. His features were calm and relaxed. He looked peaceful, which put Jyn's mind at ease.

Bodhi brought up a pair of chairs next to the bed, and they sat in silence as they watched Cassian. Jyn reached out and took his hand, and was glad to feel that his skin was warm. She remembered holding his hand as they sat together on the beach, because she didn't have the words to thank him properly for sticking with her so faithfully. And now, she still didn't have any words. There was no way to express the deep gratitude and the undying devotion she felt for this man, so she settled for holding his hand. She squeezed gently, foolishly hoping there would be some sort of response from Cassian. But his eyes remained closed and he made no sound. His chest rose and fell steadily. Jyn bit her lip to fight off the tears.

From the seat next to her, Bodhi must have noticed Jyn's attempt to maintain her composure. He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Jyn," he said quietly. He knew there wasn't much he could say, and so they sat quietly a while longer.

"I don't get it, Bodhi," Jyn said after a length of silence. Even as she spoke, she didn't take her eyes off Cassian. "Why him? He has a purpose in this fight. The Rebellion needs him." _I need him,_ she added in her head.

The pilot looked at her sadly. Of course, there wasn't an answer to that question. He knew it, and Jyn knew it as well.

"He was willing to die for the Alliance," Bodhi said finally. "I didn't have the opportunity to know him very well, but—he was willing to die for you too, Jyn."

Jyn swallowed back another wave of emotion as her eyes never left Cassian. Willing to die for _her?_ Why?

At that moment the door opened and a medical droid rolled in. It barely paused as it noticed the two visitors at the captain's bedside, then moved to the opposite side of the bed and began recording some data from the generator. Jyn and Bodhi watched as the droid finished taking Cassian's vitals, and then it turned to look at the captain himself.

"Permission to remove Captain Andor from life support?" The droid asked, looking up at Jyn and Bodhi.

"No," Jyn stated firmly, as soon as the droid had spoken the words.

The droid looked back and forth between Jyn and Bodhi. "We cannot keep him in this state much longer—his heart and lungs will give out soon, even with mechanical assistance."

Jyn bit her lip and looked down at Cassian. Bodhi simply nodded, then said, "Give us a little longer, please."

The droid just looked at the two of them with what Bodhi sensed to be the equivalent of a shrug, then it rolled out of the room. Bodhi watched the droid leave, and then he turned to Jyn. "Would you like some time alone with him?" he asked.

Jyn finally looked away from Cassian and offered Bodhi a half smile. "Just a few minutes," she said quietly.

Bodhi nodded and excused himself from the room, leaving Jyn alone with Cassian. For a long while she watched him and held his hand, imagining that he was only sleeping and that he might wake up at any moment. But minutes passed, and of course, he did not. Jyn let out a long sigh. It was time she accepted that he was gone. Pretending there was any hope for him was only delaying the whole grieving process. And she had known grief plenty of times. First, when she watched her mother die before her very eyes, and again when her father was killed on Eadu. She was all too familiar with people leaving her or being taken from her. Shouldn't she be used to this by now? Shouldn't she have expected this?

But there had always been something about Cassian that gave her hope, made her think that maybe, just maybe, here was someone who would stay with her. She had felt it back on Eadu, when she yelled at him after learning that he had been planning to kill her father. In that moment, she had hated Cassian—hated him for lying to her about the nature of their mission and nearly pulling the trigger with her father in the crosshairs.

 _"_ _I'm not used to people sticking around when things go bad,"_ she had told him defensively.

" _Welcome home,"_ he had replied, without a shred of malice in his voice.

And she had hated him a little less after that. It wasn't until several days later, thinking back to that argument, that she realized what Cassian had really done—he had disobeyed a direct order. She could easily guess that in all his twenty years of fighting for the Alliance, he had never disobeyed. He was a captain, after all. Disobedience was met with strict repercussions, especially for an officer of his rank. But something kept Cassian from pulling the trigger on Galen Erso that night, something stronger than his undying allegiance to the Rebellion. When Jyn thought about this, she could no longer hate Cassian. And when he had faithfully joined her in the mission to retrieve the Death Star plans, once again defying a direct order, Jyn knew she had found not only an ally, but a friend.

She had always kept people at arm's length, never completely willing to open up to anyone or let them see her vulnerability. And for good reason—putting up a strong front was necessary for survival. She knew attachments were weaknesses—Saw Gerrera had taught her that. It was good to have allies, but to love them could prove a fatal error. And so she made sure to keep her distance from people. She was always kind to others, but never really trusted anyone. And the longer she shut people out, the easier it became to do so. By the time she was rescued from the Imperial labor camp, she was convinced that she would never need anyone anyway. She was self-sufficient and could easily hold her own in this war. Hell, being rescued from the Empire by a droid was practically an insult to her.

But then she met Cassian, and it felt as if she had looked into a mirror. Sure, the captain was much more devoted to the Rebel cause than she was, but here was a man who similarly had lost everything, and who found it best to put up walls and avoid the nuisance of attachments. Maybe that was why she had hated him those first few days—he knew her too well without even getting to know her.

Looking at him now, it was clear so much had changed. She didn't hate him, and had probably never really hated him to begin with. What she had mistaken for hate was more likely fear—fear that she would get too close to this man who reminded her so much of herself. Of course, she tried not to let that happen, but as she sat there holding his hand, she knew Cassian had broken down the walls that she had so carefully constructed.

"I'm sorry, Cassian," Jyn said quietly. She didn't know exactly when she had started crying, but as she spoke, the tears began spilling over. "You trusted me," she continued. "You trusted me and I let you down."

There was a length of silence as she watched him, listening to the hum of the generator—the only connection Cassian had to this world. As soon as that machine was turned off, he would die. If there was anything she wanted to say to him, now was the time. He probably couldn't hear her, but again, Jyn foolishly hoped that maybe there was a chance.

She squeezed his hand and smiled. "Thank you, Cassian, for sticking with me." Her voice broke a little, but she continued. "We did it. We got the Death Star plans. All because you were there, and you trusted me. I don't really know how to put this into words…" her voice trailed off. She swallowed back the lump in her throat.

"You gave me hope," she continued after a short pause. "I haven't felt hope in a long time. Thank you."

The drone of the generator carried on, and Cassian's vitals remained steady. She watched his face, searching for any sign that he had heard her, but the captain was still as ever. Maybe his breaths were even shallower now, but she couldn't tell for sure. Jyn squeezed his hand one more time, then let go and reached up to unhook the thin chain around her neck. She held the Kyber crystal in her hands, turning it over in her palm as she observed the pale blue glow. This tiny symbol of hope had always contained a soft light that never really faded.

Then she reached out and took Cassian's hand, turning his palm up and placing the Kyber crystal there securely. She squeezed his fingers shut around the gem.

Then she stood and headed for the door. It was time to let Cassian go.


	5. Chapter 5

_AN: Hey everyone, sorry this chapter took a little longer than expected! I might add another chapter, haven't quite decided yet. I guess it depends on my work schedule over the next few weeks. Either way, the story could end here and still be complete. As always thank you for your kind reviews, and I truly appreciate the support! Enjoy!_

Jyn tried hard to fight off the tears as she made her way back through the Alliance base, through the hangar and across the airfield. She entered the courtyard as a couple of pilots were heading towards her in the opposite direction, and she bowed her head so that they wouldn't see the redness in her eyes. But they were talking and didn't seem to be paying any attention, and Jyn made it to the wall of the courtyard without anyone stopping her to see what was wrong.

For a long time, she just sat there and cried. She couldn't remember the last time she had cried like this—in fact, she probably never had. She had cried for her father, sure, but she was quick to recover. She had to, because she had a front to maintain. But this time, she didn't care. Who was she trying to be strong for now anyway? So she allowed the tears to fall, streaming down her face until they burned her skin.

It was getting dark when the tears finally began to subside. Jyn just sat there quietly, her head hung low as she listened to the sounds of pilots returning to their dwellings. Some of them passed through the courtyard, but she was relatively inconspicuous in the twilight and went unnoticed. Her head was pounding now after having cried for so long, and while she wanted to sleep, she knew her brain would not allow her that luxury quite yet. So she continued to sit in the courtyard even as it got dark and the lights were shut off. The commotion in the pilots' dwellings began to die down as they retired for the night.

Cassian's funeral was scheduled for tomorrow. By now they had surely removed his life support, but she hadn't stayed to watch him pass. She couldn't. Following all the events in the past week, the last thing she wanted to do was watch Cassian die in front of her while there was nothing she could do about it. Besides, she preferred to remember him as if he were sleeping. It was easier that way.

Jyn finally decided to head back to the base. She should at least try to sleep so that she could make it through the service tomorrow. She hoisted herself off the wall. No sooner than her feet had hit the ground, the lights in the courtyard came on. They blinded her momentarily, and she had to squint to see the tall figure standing at the courtyard entrance.

"Thought I might find you here," the newcomer said.

Jyn froze in place, and her heart fluttered in her chest. What kind of cruel joke was this?

It was Cassian.

He walked over to her, and Jyn could see the familiar smile and dark brown eyes. She could only stare in disbelief, like she was seeing a ghost. Actually, she thought to herself, she probably was seeing a ghost. That was the only explanation. But then he reached out and took her hand, and she felt the warmth of his skin again. No, he wasn't a ghost. A dream? An illusion of some sort from the lack of sleep?

Cassian smirked at the expression of shock on her face. He opened up her hand and placed the small stone in her palm. "I think you lost this," he said. He closed her fingers around the Kyber crystal, just as she had done for him, and gazed back at her. "Thank you, Jyn."

Jyn's mouth hung open a moment. She could feel the warmth and roughness of his hands as he held onto her closed fist, just as she remembered. "You're—how—" she tried to find words, but could only continue staring at the captain in disbelief.

Cassian laughed and gestured to the crystal in her hand. "That's a powerful little rock you have there. Hang on to it."

"You—You're okay?" Jyn asked suddenly. She was looking Cassian up and down now. Maybe he was a hologram. A very realistic, palpable hologram.

"I've felt better," he replied. Noticing Jyn's unwaveringly bewildered expression, he nodded towards the courtyard wall. "Let's talk."

Jyn hesitated a moment, then followed Cassian as he hoisted himself onto the wall. She climbed up next to him, and they sat side by side as Cassian looked out across the air field. But Jyn couldn't stop staring at him. She was worried that she would wake up any minute and it would all be a dream.

"I used to sit out here a lot," Cassian said. "It's nice to get away, you know?" He turned to look at Jyn. She was still watching him closely, and Cassian had to chuckle at the mixture of concern and disbelief evident in her expression. "I'm alive, Jyn," he reassured her.

She relaxed a little. This really was Cassian sitting next to her. His scent, his voice, the softness in his gaze—it was all him. Jyn finally smiled as she realized that he wasn't an illusion, and no, she wasn't dreaming. "But…how?" she asked after a brief pause.

Cassian nodded towards her closed fist. "I think you have the answer right there. The crystal saved you, too."

Jyn opened her hand and looked down at the Kyber crystal. It was glowing brighter now—this time a deep, royal blue. She smiled, and then took the two ends of the chain and clasped them around her neck. Cassian observed her a moment, and then he reached out to hold the shining gem.

"Blue is the color of the Jedi," he said, as he continued to closely examine the crystal. His eyes flicked upwards and he looked at Jyn.

Jyn searched his eyes, and very briefly recalled how he had looked at her back in the elevator on Scarif. She saw something there in his gaze, but still could not place it. They were close enough that Jyn could see the tiny wrinkles around his eyes, and as she looked at Cassian, she couldn't help but wonder what he was seeing as he looked back at her. "There are no more Jedi," she said finally.

"Not that we know of," the captain replied. He released the crystal so that it once again hung loosely around Jyn's neck. His hand hovered there by the nape of her neck for a moment, then returned to his side.

Jyn sighed and looked out at the navy blue horizon beyond the air field. There was so much she wanted to say to him. When she had thought that he was dead, Jyn could only imagine everything she would have told Cassian had he been there with her. But now that he really was here, she couldn't recall everything she had wanted to say before, and everything she wanted to ask him. There were so many questions, so many unspoken feelings that she subconsciously buried.

But, Jyn thought suddenly, words and questions could wait. There would be time for that. Right now she just wanted to be glad that he was sitting there, right next to her, in that moment.

When Jyn looked back at Cassian, he was still gazing at her with the same expression—an expression she still couldn't quite place. His eyes portrayed a sense of longing and desire, but also a hint of concern. The courtyard lights cast shadows across his features, and as she looked back into his dark eyes, Jyn forgot about the events of Scarif, the pain of losing her friends and father, and the looming threat of the Empire. At that moment, it was only her and Cassian, and nothing else.

"Thank you for staying with me, Cassian."

He smiled, his gaze never leaving her face. "I'm here to stay."

The short distance between them vanished and Jyn suddenly felt the warmth of his lips on hers. His hand brushed lightly against her cheek, and she couldn't help but smile as she returned the kiss.

It had been a week since she returned to Yavin IV. But it was only in that moment Jyn truly felt she was home.


End file.
